Dynamic and resourceful marketing professional with a proven track record of driving engagement across digital and interplanetary channels. Adept at crafting compelling campaigns under extreme conditions, including high-pressure Y2K crisis environments and active extraterrestrial combat zones. Combines data-driven strategy with tactical survival skills to deliver results, boost morale, and ensure brand continuity, even in the face of existential threats.
Harvard University
New York City, NY
BA in Being Very Cool
2013
Minor: Macroeconomics
GPA 2.77
Studied cool kids abroad in Sweden for two semesters. Founding member of the yoyo-ing club and volunteer dandelion seed blower.
Marketing Director
May 2021 – March 2026
Marketscape Navigator
Boise, ID
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Organized 90% of successful email campaigns, and 100% of the unsuccessful ones.
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Commanded a troupe of three marketing associates to sail the high seas of international commerce.
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Improved lunch related KPIs including time spent at lunch table and volume of cocktails consumed. Exceeded all initial estimates of lunch calories.
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Led team retreats to the nearby skatepark on a daily basis at 10AM, boosting team morale.
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Did market research on which supermarket had the freshest avocados.
Marketing Intern
Sept 1999 - July 2000
Mobile Infantry Communications Division
The Big Apple
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Led the fight against the Y2K bugs after the attack on Buenos Aires.
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Team captain for the company Jump Ball team.
- Integrated Marketing Strategy (Digital, Print, Galactic Broadcast)
- Rapid Problem Solving Under Fire
- Legacy System Troubleshooting (COBOL, mainframes, “doomsday clocks”)
- Stakeholder Communication (executives, generals, civilians)
Disaster Preparedness Workshop Leader
9/1999
Cleveland, Rocks
Conducted seminars on crisis communication and personal readiness for both digital and insect related catastrophes.
Open Source Preservation Contributor
12/2000
HQ, Geneva
Helped archive and document legacy codebases as well as preserve and taxidermy old bugs for historical and emergency-use purpose.